1 in 6 people will experience infertility and every year close to 100,000 children are born using assisted reproductive technologies such as in-vitro fertilization (IVF). Infertility is an incredibly complex journey, marked by emotional, financial, and social challenges. For couples experiencing it, the road can feel isolating and overwhelming. If someone you love, such as your spouse, partner, sibling, child, or friend, is facing infertility, your support can make a world of difference.
While there is no right answer or single way to show support and be there for them, Grain Fertility is happy to provide insights into what they may be experiencing and concrete ways to show your support.
Understanding the Journey
Infertility is not just about the physical inability to conceive; it affects every aspect of a person’s life—mental, emotional, social, and financial. It’s a deeply personal journey, filled with highs and lows, hope and heartbreak. For many, each month brings a new cycle of waiting, disappointment, and the emotional labor of staying hopeful. Understanding this helps set the tone for offering compassionate and mindful support.
It is important to remember there often are not quick fixes for infertility. Some couples might spend years navigating fertility treatments, lifestyle adjustments, and dealing with medical setbacks. To help outline what an IVF journey may look like, Grain Fertility has outlined what the IVF process looks like for most patients https://www.grainfertility.com/post/ivf_treatment_overview.
We believe it is important to try to understand the basics of the IVF process and get an idea of what the process entails. Education is key to understanding and by simply making the effort, you are showing your loved one you care.
Practical Tips for Support
It is human nature to want to support those around us who are struggling, especially someone you love. To help, here are a few practical tips.
Give space for open conversation, but don’t force it:
Let your loved one know you’re there to listen without pushing them to share more than they’re comfortable with. Some may want to talk about every detail, while others may prefer silence. Respecting their boundaries is a powerful form of support.
Offer to help with logistics:
Managing appointments, medical bills, and insurance can be overwhelming and is often one of the contributors to people quitting. Small gestures, like offering to help organize or manage schedules, can reduce stress. Even simple errands, like picking up groceries or helping with housework, can free up mental energy for your loved one to focus on self-care.
Providing Emotional Support
Be patient and understanding with mood changes: Fertility treatments often bring mood swings, fatigue, and anxiety, often intensified by hormone medications. Being patient during these times, without judgment or frustration, shows your loved one that they’re accepted and supported no matter what. Fertility treatments can be especially hard on couples or families. Men are also impacted, emotionally and physically, during the fertility treatment process so ensure that everyone’s feelings are properly accounted for during their journey.
Keep your words supportive, not corrective:
Avoid suggesting solutions or “fixes” that could feel dismissive. Phrases like “just relax” or “everything happens for a reason” may feel well-intentioned but can often come across as minimizing. Instead, simply acknowledging their feelings—“I can only imagine how hard this must be”—validates their experience. Offering advice such as “my friend did X to have their child” can often exacerbate feelings of inadequacy and shame and should only follow your loved one directly asking about other’s experiences.
Helping to Manage Stressors
Financial stress:
If it’s within your means, consider practical financial support, such as contributing to fertility treatment funds if there is a way. Many people feel ashamed about the inability to pay for treatment so it is important to approach this topic with sensitivity. Alternatively, you might help your loved one research grants or programs that offer financial aid for fertility treatment. Asking how you can help is often a good place to start.
Social stress:
Infertility can make social interactions tricky. Events like family gatherings, holidays, and baby showers might feel painful. Recognize that they may want to skip these events, and be a buffer if they need an excuse. Remind them it’s okay to prioritize their emotional health.
Medical stress:
Offer to accompany them to appointments if that feels supportive, or be available afterward to talk or simply be present. Sometimes just knowing that someone is there to debrief with or lean on can make the experience less daunting.
Supporting During Holidays and Major Events:
Acknowledge how tough these times can be:
For those facing infertility, holidays and milestones—especially those focused on family and children—can be emotionally challenging. Whether it’s Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, or baby showers, these events often bring mixed emotions, from hope to sadness.
Help them set boundaries:
Encourage them to do what’s best for their emotional health, even if that means skipping certain gatherings. Offer to create alternatives—perhaps a quiet dinner instead of a large family gathering—or plan special time together that doesn’t involve family-focused events.
Celebrate in ways that feel safe and affirming:
Sometimes, just acknowledging that holidays might be hard can lift some of the weight. Find small, meaningful ways to celebrate life that aren’t centered around children or family, like planning a day outdoors, going to a favorite restaurant, or sharing a cozy movie night in.
Remember the Big Picture: Compassion Is Key
When supporting a loved one through infertility, the most important thing is to approach everything with patience, compassion, and empathy. Let them lead the way on what feels best for them. Your consistent, non-judgmental presence shows that you’re there for them unconditionally. Every infertility journey is unique, but what remains universal is the value of having someone who truly cares. Your presence, kindness, and patience can make this experience a little easier for your loved one, letting them know they’re not alone on this challenging road. Whether it’s through practical help, a listening ear, or simply showing up, you can be a pillar of support that makes a lasting difference.
Want more ideas on how you can show up? Check out this list from our friends at Villie (trigger warning: Villie mentions success) https://www.villie.com/article/how-to-support-infertility-journey
How Grain Fertility Can Help
At Grain Fertility, we know how isolating and overwhelming the fertility journey can be for people. Founded by an IVF dad who went through a 4-year IVF journey with his wife, Grain Fertility offers patients the support they need during their fertility journey. The Grain Fertility application provides patients with a single, secure location to access, organize, and use the important information they are given during their journey so they can stay on top of what matters most. Grain Fertility offers one on one coaching and personalized resources to help ensure fertility patients have the support they need so they can make the most informed decisions and focus on what matters most, their care.
You can try Grain Fertility for free with a two-week risk free trial and initial coaching consultation by going to https://app.grainfertility.com/.
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