Every year, thousands of intended parents use donated sperm or eggs to help them achieve their dream of having a child. The decision to use donated sperm or eggs often does not come easily and can have implications that are important for consideration.
To help intended parents think through these implications, we are proud to feature a guest blog by Dylan Stone-Miller. Dylan is an advocate for the donor-conceived community after becoming a known donor to a sibling pod of now 46 children and their families and is founding executive director and CTO of DCPData. You can learn more about DCPData at https://www.dcpdata.org/
IVF is a journey filled with hope, anticipation, and crucial decisions, especially when using a sperm bank or egg donor. While the focus often remains on the procedure and the joyous outcome of having a child, it is equally important to understand what comes after IVF. Here are five critical aspects to consider:
1. Your Child May Have Siblings Worldwide
One of the lesser-known realities of using a sperm or egg donor is the potential for your child to have numerous siblings around the globe. In the United States and Canada there are no legal limits on the number of families that can select the same donor, and major cryobanks distribute their donor's gamete internationally, so even those in countries with legal limits may not actually remain within those legal limits globally. This can result in your child having many half-siblings, a phenomenon that can have both positive and challenging implications.
Implications:
Emotional and Psychological Impact: There is a correlations between connecting with siblings and feeling positive about being donor-conceived. A sense of curiosity and excitement about meeting their siblings can turn to a sense of loss if they are not introduced to them.
Risk of Consanguinity: When the children grow up and join the dating pool, having a large and likely unknown number of siblings means there is a risk they might accidentally couple, particularly with ineffective tracking of births in some countries.
2. Limited Access to Updated Medical History
When you choose a sperm or egg donor, you typically receive a medical history that pertains to the donor and their immediate family at the time of the donation. Unfortunately, this information can be outdated, incomplete, or inaccurate. The absence of updated medical histories can compromise the health of your child, making it difficult for doctors to diagnose or anticipate medical conditions.
Implications
Diagnostic Difficulties: Without accurate genetic information, doctors might struggle to diagnose hereditary conditions.
Potential Health Risks: Unforeseen medical issues could arise if critical genetic information is unknown.
3. Navigating the Conversation About Conception
A pivotal moment for parents of donor-conceived children is explaining how they were conceived. Children naturally have questions about their origins and how you handle these questions can significantly impact their sense of identity and well-being. Using an anonymous donor or even an Open ID Donor can complicate these conversations, leaving children with unanswered questions and more.
Considerations:
Openness and Honesty: Being transparent with your child from an early age helps build trust and has a positive impact on their mental health.
Support Resources: Utilize resources and counseling services to navigate these conversations effectively.
4. Connecting with Other Families
Deciding whether to connect with other families who used the same donor is another important consideration. These connections can be beneficial for your child, providing them with a broader sense of family and support network. There are various platforms available, such as DCPData, the Donor Sibling Registry, and Facebook groups, which facilitate these connections.
Considerations:
How to Facilitate Connections: Connecting with other families can provide shared experiences and mutual support. Which online platform allows for the most secure and robust connections? How might you broach the topic of connection with the other families?
Structure of the Connections: Will the relationship take the form of an online interactions, in-person, or a hybrid of the two? The earlier the introductions the better, but be sure to manage your child's expectations and budget for travel if you choose to have in-person relationships between the children, which adult donor-conceived people have unequivocally said is important to them.
5. Managing Extra Embryos or Gametes
Post-IVF, you may have extra leftover embryos or gametes. Deciding what to do with these can be emotionally taxing. Options include donating them to other families, participating in a cyrobank's buyback program, or destroying them. Each option comes with its own set of emotional and ethical considerations.
Options:
Donation or buyback: This increases the number of donor siblings, which may have implications for your child.
Destroying Extra Embryos: Deciding to destroy unused embryos or gametes can be difficult.
Storage Costs: Long-term storage of genetic material can be expensive.
Preventing and Mitigating Issues
While the post IVF journey with a sperm bank or egg donor comes with unique challenges, there are steps you can take to prevent or mitigate issues.
Key Preventative Measures:
Ask the Right Questions:
Inquire about how the sperm bank or egg bank ensure adherence to advertised family limits. Even if they have limits that they or an outside entity enforces, consider how the lack of an international regulatory body means the true limit is the combined limits of each country that imported the donor's genetic material
Understand how they verify and update donor's medical histories over time if they are not legally required to do so.
Leverage Resources:
Educate and Prepare:
Stay informed about the implications of using donor gametes and the potential challenges that may arise.
Consider professional counseling to help navigate the emotional and psychological aspects of donor conception.
By taking proactive steps and utilizing available resources, you can navigate the complexities of IVF using a sperm bank or egg donor with confidence and ensure the best possible outcomes for your family. Remember, while the journey may be complex, it is also filled with opportunities for growth, connection and profound love.
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